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2009/9/30 成人游戏的代价 The Price We Pay For The Games We Played 世上没有无代价的事情吧, 无论做啥都要付出代价啊 一箭双雕的代价又是啥呢, 故事是按照手头资料所写 所以若有雷同纯属巧合罢, 故事应该从十几年前开始 同时认识两人何乐而不为, 不少人衡量若一男人身价 会凭他身有几个女人而定, 女人越多身价就越高越旺 女人她也不甘示弱有她计, 付出宝贵青春也要有代价 注册结婚合买房楼当保障, 若觉保障还不够另寻它计 姐妹建议三人合作做生意, 男人也不甘示弱没名没份 为保住其女出钱出力投资, 男有二女相伴何乐不为啊 女也有她安稳的保障在身, 天衣无缝天造之作不是吗
人算不如天算好日子不长, 偏偏世上愚蠢女人也不少 没名份以苦肉计捆绑男人, 用孩子和她的幸福做赌注 结果苦肉计反弹需己承担, 傻人有傻福没被家人排斥 没因败坏名誉而赶出家门, 反而以假结婚摆酒席了事 因男方他注册过不能再婚, 除非宣告离婚后再度注册
担心他父母承担不了打击, 也没抗议假结婚草草了事 蠢女也有她聪明的一部分, 每月胎检都由他接送陪伴 让他亲身感受当爸爸滋味, 当父亲的乐趣比什么重要 父母的打击或双雕的日子, 人他是自私若不为己地灭 房楼生意女人一夜间全没, 换来了自己和父母的快乐
这就是我所谓的成人游戏, 想继续玩就必须有备而来 每一个游戏都有它的代价, 每个游戏一定有输也有赢 输了潇洒离开到下个游戏, 这过程中每人都自做决定 敢做敢当甚至不拖泥带水, 游戏能延续而没从复不停 人生本来就是一个游戏啊, 过不了关会从复没完没了
Nothing is free in this world of ours, everything will definitely comes with a price tag. What would be the price for a person who tries to kill two birds with a stone? Well, I will tell you a story base on the resources and my creativity, Hahaha... It is only a fictional story based on actual facts, so, should this story resemblance that of your story, it is just a mere coincidence not intentional. This story back date to more than ten years ago. It is always a pleasure to meet new people, new acquaintances, better still having two girl friends, both simultaneously, it's like being in Paradise! There are people who measure a man's capabilities by the numbers of women he owned. The more women he has, the more he is sought after, people translate this as his wealth, Hmmmm....
On the other hand most women are not dumb too, they will make the man pay for whatever they have invested in a man, that is her youth. One or two of those things they get her man to do are, buying a house together under both their names or getting her man to register their so call 'Marriage". However, these still does not give the woman enough security, she and her sister make her man invest in a business owned by the two sisters. Her man obliged willingly, why not? After all if the business makes money he will be paid handsomely and most of all, he got his paradise, that is his women, and she got her security, what a heavenly match couple and plans! Don't you agree with me?
Sad to say, someone is a better accountant than any human being on earth, Hahaha... Paradise world does not last too long my friend. Though there are many bright and smart women around, there are still a huge numbers of women whom are still...ehem...I call them not so smart. One of the stunt the pull is getting themselves pregnant, using the child as a weapon to secure a man, gambling away hers' and her innocent child's future, for your info, they are not even married, and should they man refused to marry her, which is what's happening to this woman, this child would be called "Names" by lots of narrowed minded people, in his later years. He has registered his marriage to another and now he is unable to register with this one, unless he announce the previous marriage void and null.
No, he is not going to do that, reason being his parents are old, and a lot of unpleasant incidents has struck his family, he is worried that his parents might not survive another blow! Full of Crap. He got no choice but to condone to a fake marriage, by throwing a wedding dinner for this woman's friends and relatives, without his parents' knowledge. This so call 'Dumb Woman' intentionally make her man accompanied her for her monthly pregnancy check-ups, making him longing to be the child's legal father. What is more important? Being a father, the paradise lifestyle or the impact of the news on his parents? We all know the answer, we are all selfish by nature, I don't deny that. We want what's best for ourselves, nobody other than ourselves. He loses his paradise, the house and the investment in just a blink of the eyes, in exchange for his desire to be a happy father.
That is what I meant by The Price we will pay for all The Games we played. We must be prepared, because in the end we still have to sacrifice something for the gain we get through the games we played. In every games, there is always a winner and a loser. It is important for a loser to walk away gracefully and not to hang on fighting to win again. In the progress of the game, we have to make decisions, and brave enough to face the consequences that comes along with the decisions we have chosen, or else, the game will never end. Life is actually a game, there are obstacles for us to clear, if we are unable to clear through them, we will be stuck there and repeat it all over again and again and again and again and again....... 2009/9/22 玩不起就别玩 Don't Start, If You Are Not Game Enough 8 月 1 日 2009 年 古晋-马来西亚-老家 小妹第二天赶回家探听谈判结果，她也同时问起老爸他当时的反应 我们兄弟妹们都小看家里两老了，万万也想不到事情会有这样收场 小妹和其夫还想把孩子要过来养，大妹不肯还说结不成婚当未婚母
她不禀告太后怀孕之事另有其因，担心太后知晓会强迫堕胎免后患 因此就迟迟不说直到被太后发现，她心有打算自力更生把孩子养大 有没有结婚对她根本就不重要了，未婚妈妈就未婚妈妈单亲就单亲
当天下午去找师父请教良辰吉日，赶紧把办酒席的日子给决定下来 男方他决定不要告诉其父母此事，因为担心他俩老会承受不了打击 因为他说他家里败事连连不绝呀，再度刺激他家两老后果不堪设想
不管他给什么借口酒席还是要办，他家人知不知道已经不再重要了 最重要是把酒席的地点日期定妥，一家人开开心心和亲戚分享喜讯 酒席办完了把孩子生了好好抚育，要当孩子的爹地就拿出点本事来
以上决定可是我妹她本人的想法，我早预料这件事情是她所作所为 希望以骨肉来锁住一个男人的心，世间的女子谁不曾是这样想过呢 但是万万也想不到人算不如天算，所以我妹只好自己担起这责任了
不知我妹在说气话还是她真心话，孩子的爹想看孩子就先付奶粉钱 不然的话就不让他见见他孩子了，女人心难推测一时心软来啥都行 大妹年纪也不小了也该为己打算，以后的路还要你自己去摸索出来
老哥只能希望你能继续勇敢面对，因为要生孩子并非是件天大难事 要把孩子带大带好才是天大事件，因为你一旦负起了做父母的责任 今生今世再怎么艰辛也脱不了身，要忍气吞声的面对现实走下去哦 August 1st, 2009 Kuching-Malaysia-My hometown On the second day, my youngest sister came home and was curious of the outcome of last night's meeting. She was also very concern of our dad's reaction. We had actually belittled our parents! Never expect them to be so cool and compose about the whole incident, and not forgetting the decision they made. My youngest sister and her hubby had back up plan, that is to adopt the baby, but instead my sister claims that she would and will rather be a single mother bringing up her own child.
She had kept her pregnancy secretively even though she knew that he is not able to marry her, fearful that the Empress Dowager might have plan for her to abort the baby to prevent any further complications. She had made up her mind to take full responsibility, bringing up the child as an unwed mother, single parent, whatever you call it. Marriage to her is not important at all.
I went with her to seek help from a SinSeh for appropriate dated for the wedding dinner, at the same time browsing around for restaurants to had the occasion. Her boy friend informed us that he wants to keep his parent in the dark, worrying that they might not sustain another blow, reason being his family had series of mishap recently and he does not want them to suffer again.
Regardless what excuse he had, we will still proceed with the preparation for the wedding dinner. Whether or not his parents will be present or not is not the utmost important issue on our mind. We want to get the date and restaurant set, then have a happy celebration. After that concentrate on up bringing of the child, nothing more.
It does not surprise me, my sister getting herself pregnant, hoping to secure the heart of a guy was all my sister's plan. Which women in this world had not thought of this idea? But look at the repercussion, my sister tries to trap him with the child and her plan back fired, so she has to take full responsibilities.
She then told us
that if he wants to have anything to do with the child he has to show some
sincerity, pay for the milk powder, or else forgetting about seeing the child. Was that spoken out of anger or
from the bottom of her heart. No one can understand a women's mind, once they becomes soft
hearted, they would chew, swallow, eat back all the words they had said when they were
angry, and will continue to do so.
My sister is old enough to make her own decisions, choose the route she wanted to travel. I can only wish that you will always be strong enough to deal with it. Bearing a child is such a simple task, every women can do it, however bringing up a child is not everyone's forte. Once you pick up this job, you will never ever retire from it, instead you have to deal with all the shits that comes with it. 过家家Not Child's Play 晚上 10.30， 7 月 31日 2009 年 古晋-马来西亚，老家 大妹和男友交往十二年都没婚讯，这次回家老妈告知我说她怀孕了 怀孕就怀孕啦何必大惊小怪了呢，原来男友以前和他人注册结婚了 所以现在不能和妹她注册结婚了，乘我在家老妈使唤他明天来谈判 太后要发威了后果可能不堪设想，唯一担心的还是老爸他老人家了 不晓得此事是否已传到他耳了吗，我一回到老家就给我此事去操心 无论怎样发展下去她毕竟是我妹，大妹有难大哥怎么能坐视不理呢 现在米已成粥了你打算如何收场，事情已到此地步你还静悄悄不说 你若没对策就让我帮你解决此事，不注册结婚也罢了摆酒席请亲戚 告知天下亲朋好友们我嫁女儿了，婚后回不回娘家住就由女儿决定 我不想女儿不明不白的未嫁产子，小女出嫁时讨了十五桌酒席请客 大女出嫁也照旧讨个十五桌酒席，喜宴日期你们去安排妥当通知我 你觉得有什么地方不满意就请说，不然就等你们安排摆酒席的日子 当时家里的气氛的确是很紧张啊，原来老爸他老早就知晓我妹这事 他二话不说默默在旁点着头聆听，两老的表现真是让我惊讶敬佩呀 之前老妈要我当援兵帮帮她说话，谁知太后一下圣旨无人敢抵抗哦 谈判完毕人也散去了剩下我三人，终于有我说说我的看法的时候了 没注册结婚孩子也只能跟母姓氏，若人抗旨也罢又不是养不起小孩 最重要的是家人能接受一起分担，毕竟是自己女儿家人不收谁收留 10.30pm， July 31st, 2009 Kuching-Malaysia，My hometown My sister has been dating her boy friend for twelve years and have never heard of their plan to get married, however this time when I went back for my holiday, my mum told me that she is pregnant. What's the big deal? Just get registered and get married. It is not as simple as that. He has registered with another woman and will not be able to get married with my sister. My mum took the opportunity to summon for him to come in for a debriefing whilst I am back there.
Once the Empress Dowager starts calling the shot, things might not be so favorable! I am a bit worried about my dad, had anyone leak out this news to him yet? How is he going to react? Why are they giving me problems to solve when I am supposed to be on holiday? Sigh! Whatever it is, she is still my sister, I will not see her being push away when she is in trouble.
Empress Dowager asked him what does he had in mind and when is he going to tell her about the pregnancy and what will he do for my sister? He kept dumb and offer no suggestion. Since he can't offer any suggestions, the Empress lay her cards down: He is not required to register with my sister, all she wants is a wedding dinner to tell the relatives and friends that my sister is married. My sister still have the choice to come back to stay with the family, unless he has other plan for her.
Empress do not want her daughter to be an unwed mother. Since she asked for fifteen dinner tables from the grooms family for her youngest daughter, when she got married, she will stick to the same number of dinner tables for this daughter. If he got no objection to the arrangement, she expect him to decide on the appropriate date for the dinner to beheld and inform her as soon as possible.
I could feel the tension in the house during this meeting. I just got to know that my dad was aware of the incident and kept silence throughout the meeting. Phew! I was actually please and proud of the two of them, my mum and dad. My mum had told me to help her speak up should he retaliate during the meeting, looks like there is no need for me to speak my mind. Once the Empress set down her rules, no one dares to disobey.
The meeting was short and right to the point. After they have left, I finally have my turn to speak up. I told my parents that the baby will have to follow the mum's last name, that's our family name, and should he choose not to obey the Empress's suggestion, we could just bring up the child as our own with him. The most important thing is to take care of our family member, and not to shoo her away leaving her to manage the problem alone. If we as family member are not helping her, no one would. 2009/7/9 布布 + 开心的是Pooh Pooh + Those Happy Thing
休息了两个星期 ，今天要去上班 ，心情真的不好受 As I was on my way to work, I recall the person that makes me smile, my youngest nephew. He told my Mum that he wants to <En En>, which I call Pooh Pooh, some would call <Berak>. My mum quickly prepares for him the potty. He sat down for a while and stood up, he told my mum he is done. My mum took a look but found nothing in the potty. He continued playing with his toys, but not for long. He came back to my mum and claimed that he wants to <En En> again. He again sat down on the potty, stood up again after a while, again my mum found nothing. My mum commented that he is trying to bluff and torture my mum, making her running up and down for potty. Hahaha….He was innocently smiling at my mum. He sat on the potty for countless number of time and finally he did it! Bravo! The thought of him and his Pooh Pooh encounter had wipe away the dreadful feeling of going to work. Whenever I am feeling down, not in the mood, I would flip the photo album, looking at those old photo, recollecting the happy memories and incidents that comes with it. By doing so, I could just forgets the unpleasant or unhappy feelings that I was dealing with earlier and smiling ears to ears, simple right?
p.s. 在写这件事的时候，我还在开心的笑啊！ 2009/4/8 不能说的才是秘密 Little Secret 秘密呀它到底是什么 我的秘密只有我知晓 这对我来说才是秘密 你说有个秘密告诉我 一说出来就非秘密了 有些人呢喜欢玩游戏 常告诉人家一些秘密 也常叫人家别说出去 你居然觉得是个秘密 就该带它入土深埋葬 我常对这些人这样说 告诉了我就不是秘密 因为我不会替你保守 如果你还是坚持要说 我肯定不会去阻挡你 What actually is a Secret? What is a secret to me will only be know by me and me and no one else. If one told me that they had a secret to tell me, once told, it is never considered a secret anymore. There are people who just love to play games about secrets, they would also make you promise them not to tell anyone about this secret. Well, well, well, if it is a secret, you should bring it together with you to your grave and deeply buried so that no one, and I mean no one should know about it. That's what I call a secret. My advise to these people who enjoy telling people they had a secret to tell is this; You can go ahead and tell me your secret, however let me tell you that once this secret is out, it will never ever be a secret anymore, and I will never be made to promise not to tell. So, should you wish to continue to tell me your secret, please do so at your own accord, I definitely will not proceed to stop you from telling me your secret. So, people, please think twice before telling me your secrets. 2009/4/5 101 人生哲学The 101 Lesson in Life 我常常提到现在的年轻人特缺乏公德心 怎么说呢？公共场所都没人让位给老人 巴士车上，地铁上也没有人乐意让座位 我也常常因为这些事情而生气不开心了 但有些时候我也会遇到一些奇怪的老人 你让座位但老人家他们却不要坐坐下来 心里就责怪这些老人好心让座他不领情 觉得世界无奇不有，直到事发我身上了 我一手拿着杯子一手打开刚买的饮料装 朋友见装即刻强着要帮我打开那饮料盒 我告诉朋友我自己来不需要人家来帮助 但是朋友不听使唤硬强着要帮我打开它 结果把饮料倒在我身上衣服鞋子都湿了 朋友说她绝对不会对我说什么抱歉的话 我也不希罕听她说只是很生气她的作为 我已开口说我自己能搞定但她就是不听 这件事情让我联想到那些老人的事情了 老人家觉得他有能力站着我又何必慌呢 要站要坐要趴他们自己了解他们的能力 我怎么可以把人家当着是怪人来看待呢 你又不是我，你怎么晓得我需要帮助呢 居然人家已声明不许要任何方面的帮助 为何要硬强迫人家做他不想去做的事呢 即使是我没手脚你也该尊重人家的决定 All these while I have been bitching about people these days do not have the required moral values in life. Nobody give up seats to the needy, nor do they offer to give up seat to them. The sight of these things happening around me just makes me upset and angry with the public. On the contrary, I do encounter these group of people whom I deem needy, rejected the offer from some kind soul. There I go again, bitching about these group who decline the kind soul, thinking that they are weird and tactless. This world are full of weirdo, that was what went through my mind. I have only come to understand these people till something happens to me recently. Here is how the story goes, I bought a packet carton drink, using one hand and decided to twist the cap and pour the content into a paper cup with ice cube in it with another hand. My friend saw, and immediately rush to grab my carton of drink. I specifically told my friend that I can handle it on my own, but she refuse to listen to me and try to snatch the carton from me, ended up spilling the drink over me. She then told me that she is not going to apologies for what happens, not that I crave for one, anyway I am not. I am only angry that she has to insist on helping when people has already told her that help is not required. This incident has teach me a lesson about the old folk and the kind soul. If the old folks think that they are capable of standing in the bus, in the train or be it anywhere else, why am I worrying about them? They can choose to stand, to sit, to lie down on the floor, they are the better person to judge for themselves, whether or not they have the capabilities to do what they want to do. Who am I to think that these people are weirdo and do not appreciate any kindness from others. Who am I to judge, right? What we deem right for them might not be right for them, or might not be what they want! We fail to realize that the best person to decide on whether or he or she needed assistance is actually the person themselves. We are definitely not them, what makes us so sure that they would need our help, and that they cannot managed it on their own? As for my case, I have spelled out that I do not need assistance. Why and why do people still insist that they think that I need help and insisted that I need help? Forcing people to do things they are not keen to do. I would think that people should respect the decision of one self and not insisting on pursuing what one had declined earlier. That's the least I think one can do, instead of making people feel that they are physically challenged. 2009/4/1 你奶奶的 ....Your Granny's .... A : 你奶奶的 ..... B : 你奶奶的 ..... C : 你奶奶的 ..... A - 我喜欢的人 B - 还可以的人 C - 我讨厌的人 当三个不同的人说出同样的的一句话时 听这些话的人却听出不同的效果和意思 虽然这三个人的语气和意思都是一致的 但听的人却因对他们的偏见而起了判断 若听的人是不同的人那么效果更广阔了 这就是现实啊喜欢的人说什么都是对的 而讨厌的人无论声音多动听又有多诚意 他们一开始说话无论是什么都是难听的 人们都是这样的吧我也承认和他人没别 只要听的人是心甘情愿的你也拿他没法 那么我这魔头说的话你还能听得下去吗？ A : Your Granny's ..... B : Your Granny's ..... C : Your Granny's ..... A : Someone you like B : Someone who you find ok C : Someone you dislike When these three people speak the same words in the same tone and the same meaning, the receiver will still has mixed feelings about these three person. What more to say if the three receivers are completely three different person. One's judgment will in one way or another affected by the emotional state they are in. In reality, whatever the person you like say to you is always the truth and no matter how sincere or how sweet the words from someone you dislike will always turn out to be bad. Most people are like that, and I admit that I am of no different too. As long as the receiving party is happy with what they want to listen, there is nothing we can do about it. So, would you still be able to listen to what this Monster has to say? 2009/3/21 魔 Monster 朋友说过我不脚踏实地的生活着 朋友们是这样形容我的工作素质 其实我一直都不脚踏实地的活着 我一直都生活在一个谎言的背后 我想过要老老实实过着我的生活 也了解这个老实生活背后的代价 我一直都这样想着也慢慢的改变 勇敢去面对未来但我勇气有限啊 我觉得我的朋友多数都能理解我 所以朋友们并不是我最大的障碍 而最大的障碍可能就是我父母了 或许他们非我想象而低估他们了 无论如何我还是无法真实去面对 周围人的父母都渐渐的与世辞别 那时我的心里就浮现一个坏念头 为了能让自己好过居然起了魔心 那只是我一念之差想出来的点子 其实我怎么舍得放弃疼爱的父母 而他们怎么会有我这样的孩子呢 一个自私没人性大魔头的孩子呢 阿姨的女儿因为嫁错郎君离婚了 现在教了个新男友但怀疑患心病 阿姨夫妇俩有意想拆散这对鸳鸯 问我如何解决我说说成全女儿呀 儿女要为己打算所以成全是疼爱 生病已算不幸难道还要拆散折磨 那么我的病态如果被人们发现了 岂不是要被所有人歧视判死刑吗 我喜欢我的同类所以至今未成家 在我生活环境里喜欢同类是种罪 我也只能偷偷摸摸的混日子生活 人们的想法不像西方国家那么放 我的确很羡慕那些勇敢的朋友们 勇敢的面对自己的性取向去生活 我想我也要勇敢的去承认去接受 如果连我自己都不能接受何人能 我已开始迈向接受自己的第一步 告诉一些亲密的朋友们这个秘密 如今是宣布给这个网络的朋友们 希望你们不会把我当魔来看待了 前几天自己幻想自己向妈妈坦白 也幻想妈妈接受有个这样的孩子 自己控制不了情绪偷偷的掉眼泪 因为现在还未能坦诚的面对爸妈 希望在不久的将来我的勇气可嘉 把自己的秘密说出给爸爸妈妈听 当然也希望得到他们的肯定成全 期待他们别把我当一个魔来看待 Some of my friends said that I live my life 'without my feet planted on solid ground 'just like one of the Chinese proverb', which they were literally describing the nature of my job. As the matter of fact,they didn't know that I actually did not live my live honestly ('without my feet on solid ground'), I admitted that I have been living behind a lie. I have thought of living my life honestly but I also know that living my life honestly might lead to other sacrifices and many more unforeseen circumstances that comes with it. I have always been thinking about it and I am now in the process of making changes to my life, slowly and gradually, taking one little step at a time. I would think that most of my friends would be understanding and mature about it, and hence to me, they are not my biggest hindrance. The biggest obstacle, I would say are my parents. I may or may not under estimated their tolerance towards what I am about to say right now, and I have yet to find out, and only God knows when. No matter what I still have the fear of facing the reality, my obstacle, which is my parents. News about people's parent are biding farewell, biding good-byes for good, and at that moment in time, an idea suddenly pop up in my mind. I had this idea that my life easy without having to face my obstacle at all. What a Monster, I am. I am really sorry to have came up with that evil thought in my head, in reality I don't think I could ever part with both my beloved parents. They are the one who gave me a life, and in exchange for their good deeds, I wanted to take their life away from them, in order to make my life less complicated. How on earth did they get a child like me, a selfish and a heartless Monster! My aunt's only daughter who was once married and now divorced, is starting a new life with another guy. He was suspected of having a heart problem, because he collapsed recently. My aunt asked me if she should stop their relationship from progressing, and my replied to her was to fully support her child's decision and not making one for her. It would be perfect if a child were to be given the right to choose and decide, and as parents, a moral support is definitely of great help. Moral support from our parents is a token of love for the child. Being sick is already a mishap, and why should we break people up and make life miserable for them? If my so called 'sickness' were to be discovered, I believe they would have despise me, sentencing me to a death parole? I love my own kind, people of the same sex, that is the reason why I am not settling down like others, having a family of my own. In this current environment, it is an offense to love people of your kind, that is why I said I have not been living my life honestly, always behind a lie. People here are not as open as those in the western society, we are still reluctant to accept people for who they are. I really envied those people who find courage and strength to accept themselves for who they are, accepting the reality that is their sexual preference, and continue to live their life the way they want it. I want to, and am trying to find courage to accept myself for who I am. If I can't accept myself for who I am, then no one else would. I have started to take the first step toward the life I wanted, first by telling my close friends about my secret, that is my sexuality and now, to my friends here in the www (whole wide world). I certainly hope that anyone who read this would not treat me like you would to a Monster, or would you? A couple of days ago, I day dream that I confronted my Mum, telling her the truth about myself, and in that dream, my Mum is willing and able to accept a child like me. I could not control my emotion then, and started tearing profusely, knowing that It is just a dream and that I will need time and courage to be able to be frank with parents. Hopefully in the near future, when I find my strength and guts, I thought I have always have all those, I would be able to tell my parents this little secret of mine. And of course I would wish that they would be able to accept me for who I am, giving me some support, if not full, and certainly hope that they would not treat me like one big Monster.  生母她走了 My Biological Mum bid farewell to all 昨夜收到大妹的简讯说大姑她去世了 简讯里所谓的大姑就是我的亲生母了 亲生母亲已经和病魔挣扎五年之久了 当时因心脏病发作后就变半身不遂了 这些日子里都由我五哥五嫂在持候她 当时看到简讯的心情是很平静很冷淡 因为我觉得生母她也受够了这种折磨 如今对她来说是一种解脱是一件好事 所以当我朋友问我是否为此感到伤心 我可以坦白的说我并不为此感到伤心 是否怨恨生母她没有亲手把我给带大 也并非如此因为一直很感激她的决定 把我托夫给她的亲弟弟把我抚养成人 我对她只有感激而没什么怨恨的成分 她的离去是她的解脱我替她感到高兴 我相信她去得很安详很遗憾未能再见 如果有来世您还会是我的亲生妈妈呀 My sister sent me a text message saying that the eldest aunt has pass away. The eldest aunt is referring to my biological mother. She has been bed ridden for almost 5 years. She had a major stroke, and became semi-paralyzed. All these years, it was my fifth brother and wife who see to her daily needs and care. I was just calm and not even a sign of sadness when I saw the text message. She has finally managed to free herself from all these suffering and torture, I would think it is a wonderful thing for her. Thus, when my friend asked if I feel sad about the news, I can confidently say that I was not sad at all. My friend continues asking if I was sore about her giving me up for adoption, my reply was no. My adoption has never been an issue between me and my biological mother, I was and still grateful that she made that decision, securing for me a good family, that is her second brother, to bring me up as their child. Her departure is her freedom to all suffering and I am happy for her. I believe that she will rest in peace and with much regret that we could not meet again. If there is next life, you will still be my biological mother. 2009/3/18 我不是天使I'm No Angel 依稀记得第一次大人们说我像个小天使 那个时候已经是很久很久以前的事情了 除了那一次就不曾听人家说我像天使了 很怀念很期待现在还有人说我像天使啊 很怀念很期待人家这样说我吗？非也非也 因为骨子里我知道自己并非是个什么天使 反而觉得自己和一些平常人一样心存杂念 所以若说我像个天使那可是在讽刺我了哦 我不是什么天使因为我有血有肉有情有欲 鬼主意你可不用愁坏主意呢我也有一大萝 好事我尽能力去做好坏事我也不是没干过 我犯错我也会堕落所以我承认我不是天使 I can still remember clearly that time when the adults would linger around me telling me right in my face that I look like a little Angel! And that of course was happening a long long time ago. Since then, I have never ever heard anyone calling me an Angel anymore. Oh... how I miss the sound of people calling me an Angel! Oh, do you really think that I really misses being called an Angel? Oh no, no, it would be an insult to me now if someone were to tell me that I look like an Angel right now! You know it is not true, because you all know deep down inside, I am no Angel. Infact I am just like any ordinary person, filled with a mixtures of evil thoughts, of course there are good ones too. I said I am no Angel because I am also made of flesh and blood, I also have my feelings and desires. Who don't? You don't have to worry that I would run out of crafty plots, instead, I have baskets and baskets filled with cunning schemes! Of course I will try my very best to do all the so called good things in life, however that doesn't mean that I have not done anything bad. I do make mistakes, and I sometimes sink low, after all I am no Angel.   2009/3/2 责任Responsibility 年轻时期的愿望是拥有自己的孩子 看见周围很多可怜的孩子没人管教 甚至对他们孩子的死活不闻也不问 所以我一直认为自己可以与众不同 能好好的教养一个属于自己的结晶 好好的疼惜好好的教育好好的做人 当年纪大了愿望也渐渐有所改变了 觉得生儿育女的愿望也难以实现了 好友乐意借腹产子以实现我的愿望 我现在也只能心领她的好意谢谢她 因为已经把产子的愿望深深的埋没 再也没有勇气也没有力气去实现它 如今我的责任就是好好孝敬我爹娘 回馈他们多年以来对我的养育之恩 结婚生子之事就留给我弟他去实现 我就守株待兔把我弟孩子收为己有 这样我又能逍遥自在的过我的日子 偶尔也能享受一下家有孩子的日子 When I was younger, having a kid of my own has always been on my wish list. There are a lot of kids around us that are badly brought up, some even neglected by their own parents, so I wanted to make a difference, bringing up my own kid in my own way, being a kind and useful kid. I used to think that I have the ability to to all that on my own. As I aged, my wish list has also takes a change. Having my own kid, bringing up my own kid is merely a myth, something which I cannot see it through anymore. My friend, she offers to bear me a child to fulfill my dream, but at this present time, I can only thank her for her kindness, as for my dream, it has been deeply buried, and I do not have the courage, neither do I have the strength to even dig it out and pursuit that dream of mine. All I could think of at this time is to repay my parents, for they have gone through such trouble to bring me up, giving me a beautiful life. My responsibility for now is to provide my parents a comfortable life. I will leave the responsibility, that is getting married and bearing my own kids, to my brother. I will just sit back, relax and make his kids mine. I can live a carefree life, at the same time, feel the warmth of family hood whenever I feel like it. 2009/2/12 团圆Reunion 又是过农历新年了农历新年又过去了 Here come Lunar New Year, and there goes Lunar New Year. Our Lunar New Year celebration stretches over a period of fifteen days. I have always choose to go back home around the seventh or eighth days of the Lunar New Year, and this year is of no exceptional. There are a few reasons why I only go back for my family only after the seventh or eighth day of the Lunar New Year. Firstly: I do not have to book my ticket to go back home one year in advance. Secondly: I do not have to feel upset because I am not able to secure my annual leave during the first few days of the Lunar New Year and thirdly: I do not have to follow my parents, travelling miles and miles visiting our relatives. Celebrating Lunar New Year and Reunion Dinner to me is simply a gathering of family members filled with joy and laughter, enjoying each others company, forgetting the unpleasant, starting afresh. There should not be any grievences amongst the family members that cannot be resolved. As a family, as long as we can live happily together, having dinner together at anytime of the day, any month is a Reunion dinner. I can proudly say that my family did quite well over the past years, living in harmony with each others. 2008/12/30 感恩Thankful I am thankful of all the good things in life however small it may be. I will still be grateful to the mighty one, eventhough I may be upset at times when things are not so smooth sailing. If we choose to see and handle it from a different perspective, we might end up with a little pleasant surprise. This is more fulfilling when compared to having great things showered into your life. I am grateful of my surrounding friends who have been supportive of me, regardless how unreasonable I am, you are still there to see me though my good and bad times. No matters how many battle we fought, how many hurting words we might have said to each others, we still stick by one another, and I am really thankful because the mighty one has send me all the best friends in this world to me. I would like to thank all of my friends for taking all the crap from me all these while. Should I have said something or do something that might have offended anyone, I would like to take this opportunity to say that I am sorry. Hopefully in the future I would be a better person and a better friend. Thank you. 2008/11/18 你不是真正的快乐 （五月天）You are not really happy (May Day) 人群中哭着 你只想变成透明的颜色 你再也不会梦或痛或心动了 你已经决定了 你已经决定了 你静静忍着 紧紧把昨天在拳心握着 而回忆越是甜就是越伤人了 越是在手心留下 密密麻麻深深浅浅的刀割 你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色 你决定不恨了也决定不爱了 把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳 这世界笑了 於是你合群的一起笑了 当生存是规则 不是你的选择 於是你含着眼泪 飘飘荡荡跌跌撞撞的走着 你不是真正的快乐 你的笑只是你穿的保护色 你决定不恨了也决定不爱了 把你的灵魂关在永远锁上的躯壳 你不是真正的快乐 你的伤从不肯完全的愈合 我站在你左侧却像隔着银河 难道就真的抱着遗憾一直到老了然后才后悔着 你值得真正的快乐 你应该脱下你穿的保护色 为什麽失去了还要被惩罚呢 能不能就让悲伤全部结束在此刻重新开始活着 You want to be transparent when you were crying in the crowd You will never ever want to dream or feel hurt or touched anymore You have decided and made that decision indefinitely You still want to grip on to the past and suffers alone, silently The sweeter the memories the more it is going to hurt you These memories cut you like a knife, leaving behinds scars of different intensity You are not really happy, your smile is just a camouflage you wore, for protection You choose not to hate anyone, at the same time you also would not fall in love anymore You lock your soul up, in your body permanently, indefinitely When the world smiles at you, you smile back at them, merely for the sake of smiling back And when carry on living is not your choice in life at this moment You just live your life aimlessly, drowning yourself in your own tears You are not really happy, you never even let your wounds heal themselves You seems so far away even though you were just right beside me Are you going to carry on feeling sorry for yourself till you grow old? And then, regret about it much later? You deserved to be happy, You have to start to remove the camouflage you were wearing Do you still want to continue punishing yourself for something that is not there anymore? Can I plead you to leave all your sorrows behind and start a fresh new life from now on? 伤心季节Season of Sadness 前天手机传来了个简讯：你在家吗？我有事要告诉你。我即刻回了个电话给她，她说：莉莉你记得她吗？她住院了。已经一个星期了，昏迷不醒。脑血管爆了。我：啊！怎么可能？脑子里一直反复问自己，是恶作剧吧？有人想整我吧？可是告知我消息的人很可靠呀。我再发个简讯给莉莉最要好的朋友。简讯肯定这是事实。莉莉三十九岁，两个女儿的母亲，上个星期因为脑血管爆裂导致她昏迷不醒。我愣了一下。 不久之前也收到同样的简讯，二表哥的事件，现在又收到这个简讯，你叫我怎么去相信呢？我和莉莉认识已有七年了。一起上班一起游玩，很关心朋友的一个女孩子。工作遇到苦难时，我们都会互相照顾，所以很谈得来。自从她结婚生子后就没见面，只有简讯和电话保持联系 今天我到医院去探望她了。没什么大不了啦，住院医疗过后就可以出院了！我当时就是这样想的。上了电梯进了病房还没什么压力。直道护士小姐指出她的病房时，我全身发冷。莉莉她在加护病房里，布帘拉上了，护士说是在给莉莉办小手术。要我稍候才倒回来探望病人。我和另外一个同事到餐厅等候。那个时候我真的吓倒了。胸口感觉紧紧的，恍然大梦初醒。同事他也吓倒了！ 探病的时间也到了，我们再度去探望莉莉她了。隔着玻璃门远远的望着她。头发被剃掉一部分，这里一个树胶管那里又一个树胶管。刚刚是在她喉咙中间开了个洞方便输入氧气。莉莉她只是静静的躺着微弱的呼吸着。家人说她昨天醒来了，大概廿分钟后又继续回到昏睡状况了。医生说她只有一个星期的寿命，因为不能动手术，机会也渺小因为爆裂的血管不在大脑的表面而是里面。她天生就是大脑部分的血管有异样，能维持到三十九年才爆裂已经算幸运了。医生就这么说！今天已经是第九天了，根据莉莉家人的消息，她两天前才开始有动静。 突然间莉莉的丈夫叫嚷，看见莉莉动手要把喉咙的树胶管给拔掉，看得我的心也类似被拔了。那管子里面堆积了些血水，可能是这些血水诸塞氧气道吧。护士们又忙碌了一阵子。当时真的措手不及不知如何是好。布帘又被拉上了。只有期待一切平安无事。没多久布帘又被拉开了，莉莉的父母阿姨们都一个一个去叫唤她。看到我眼眶都湿了！我不知不觉也把双手合上，为莉莉祈祷，希望她早日康复。莉莉父母们也叫我上前去看一看她。当莉莉的妈妈说：莉莉，你的朋友来探望你了，你还记得他吗？莉莉居然点头，嘴唇也动着，好像要说什么似的。当时忍不住泪流了。 我已控制不了自己的情绪，赶紧离开医院。回家的路上心情沉重。脑海里反复的出现这个心愿：如果有一天我出事了，我不希望家人或朋友为我当心，难过。我只是一个过客。我灿烂的活过所以不必为我难过。但是莉莉啊，我会为你祈祷：早日康复回到孩子的身边，她们很需要你。 Two days ago I received a text message on my mobile which read like this : Are you at home? I have something to tell you, it's about LeeLee, Can you still remember her? She has been in hospital since last week, a stroke, and she is in coma. What! How could that happen? At the back of my mind I was asking: Is this a prank? Someone is trying to fix me up or something? But this friend of mine is very reliable. I text LeeLee best friend and the reply confirms that it is not a prank. A mother of two, at the age of thirty nine, was in coma because of a rupture in the brain. I was stunted! I just received a similar text message regarding my cousin, and now another one telling me my friend had stroke. How am I to believe? I have known LeeLee for seven years. We used to work together, traveled together. She is a kind hearted little woman. We strive through hardship together during our course of duty and definitely a great friend. We have not seen each other ever since she got married and had two kids, however we still keep in touch via text messages or phone calls. I went to the hospital to visit her today. I was thinking, she will be out in no time, a rupture of blood vessel in the brain is not a big issue. How optimistic! When the nurse pointed out to me her room, I was shocked! She is in Intensive Care Unit. Curtains were drawn, Doctor was doing a minor surgery on her, we were told to come back later. While waiting at the cafeteria, I felt my heart tightened, my body turn cold. My other colleague and I were in shock. We went back to take a look at LeeLee during the actual visiting hours. All we could do is look from a distance behind the glass panel, shaved partially on the head, tubes running in and out of her body. The surgery they just did on her is to provide oxygen to the lungs directly through the wind pipe. She sleeps peacefully, breathes slowly. According to her family, she woke up for a mere twenty minutes two days ago and went back to sleep after that. Doctor actually told her family that she will not survive more than a week! Today is the ninth day. They did not opt for an operation on her because of the depth of the ruptured blood vessel, and the blood vessels in her head are birth defects, and not due to high blood pressure whatsoever. While relating the story to me, her husband suddenly shouted. I saw LeeLee's hand trying to pull away all the tubing, it is like my heart being ripped off, when I saw that! There are fluid in the tubing for the oxygen, and it is choking her. The nurses rush to clear the fluid in the tubing, after that her parent went in to calm her down, and I could see her nodding her head in consent. My sight started to be blurry when I saw the commotion. LeeLee's parent invited me to speak to her, as her mum asked if she could remember me, LeeLee looked at me and nodded, she was trying to speak but was too weak, my tears just drop down. I did not stay much longer as I was unable to control my emotion. My heart was heavy on my way home, and this thought was circling in my mind : If ever one day, such less fortunate things happened to me, I do hope that my family and friends would not be worried and sad about it, cause I am just your passer by and I have live life to the fullest, so there is no need to be sad for me. As for LeeLee, I will pray for you : Get well soon, go back to you two lovely kids, the really need you now. 2008/11/15 没遵守诺言Breaking my promise 2008.11.13 英国伦敦的天气已经变冷了 早晨起来准备去叔叔家拜访 把自己一层一层的包了起来 穿衣服的当儿就弄得满身汗 冬天了没办法非要好好保暖 不然着凉了生病就麻烦多了 到地铁站时看见很多人排队 我也没理会反正这里人口多 这排一排那排一排很平常呀 买票时说高峰时段票价双倍 我看了看表只要多等廿分钟 才了解为何那么多人在排队 转个身到外卖店找点吃的去 吃完三明治和果汁刚好上路 看好地铁路线就即可赶路了 伦敦地铁经常延误停止服务 今天凑巧居然给我给碰上了 被迫半路下车改搭公共巴车 起初还觉得很新鲜很期待啊 后来后悔了路程耗费一小时 中途停停走走摇摇晃晃不停 这里的乘客复杂又没公德心 那学生们大声喧嚷大声说话 中年人大声播放手机的音乐 已经晕车的我又加上吵闹声 今天的旅途实在是很难受啊 之前许诺不让别人影响心情 如今又没遵守诺言大受影响 为了没公德心的大众而生气 导致自己全天的心情不愉快 不是说好了要开开心心度过 怎么现在那么烦躁不愉快呢 想了想这样折磨自己何必呢 以后出门做好措施不受影响 心平气和的走过这变形世界 麻木自己心情这世界就完美 但到最后今天还是完美收场 叔叔亲手下厨做丰富的晚餐 一家人一起用餐气氛乐融融 必先尝尽苦头后才享尽甜蜜 叔叔谢谢您了 The weather in London is becoming very cold. I was excited, got up early and get ready to visit my Uncle and his family, which I would normally do when I am in London. In order to protect myself from the cold weather, I have to wrap myself up in layers after layers of clothing! I was perspiring profusely while doing the wrapping, Hahaha...well, it is better to be protected than to catch a cold and fall sick later. There were people queuing up outside the train station when I arrived, to me it is normal to see queues here in London. Only after trying to get a day pass ticket, then I realized what the queue was all about. It is still the peak hours period, tickets cost double the price, people were queuing outside waiting the the clock to strike thirty past the hour so that they do not have to pay for the peak hours pricing. I did the same and grab a sandwich and a juice while waiting for the the off-peak period to commence. After I got my map draft out before I board the train, and there I proceed to my uncle place, about an hour of train ride away. London train services are famous for they disruptions and delays. Unfortunately it has to happens to me right now on the route that I am heading towards. We were all force to transfer to the bus services to our desired destination. Initially I was delighted about the bus journey, I get to see places which I would not have see if I were to be on the train. The bus journey took about an hour. There were many stops in between, and the Double Decker was wobbly and that makes me sick. To add on to that, the kids were talking loudly, a middle aged white male was playing some cheap trance music loudly through his mobile. I thought this would only happens in Asia, but to my surprise, the Brit are not so civic minded after all! I have to endure the whole journey with badly behaving people on board the bus, and when I arrive at destination I was in bad shape, nausea and big headache. I just promise myself not to be affected by people around me, and I just broke my promise! I let all these badly behaving people affect my mood, which leads to an unpleasant experience. I should be enjoying my trip and not to be overly concern about these 'Rubbish'. The next time I travel, I should and would take some precaution so as to protect myself from all these people, stay cool and calm moving around this changing world, numb all my nerves, not to be affected by these nerve wrecking external factors, then, I would think this world would be a better place for me. Eventually after all the hardship that I have been through in the morning, I did actually had a great evening with my uncle and family. My uncle who loves cooking, cook for us a delicious dinner and everyone is around enjoying the family time together. Thank you Jerome. 2008/11/13 潜意识The Subconscious mind 现在的我心情变得很浮躁 但是我以前还算可以控制 I have been very hot-tempered these days, sparked at every single little things. Once I let my temper ignites, it is beyond control. I asked myself if this is worth the while getting upset about? To some, I might not have the best temper guy neither am I the the most tolerable person on earth, but where have all my miserable least tolerable good temper nature gone to? At least my temper and tolerance was manageable, I would not let anyone start my fire, affecting my mood, causing me to get upset. Why am I back to the starting point, easily affected? Do I have to make mistakes and learn the hard way? Is it only then will I only be able to curb and control my emotions? I came to realize that, after the dream I had a couple of days ago, something subconsciously affecting my emotions. I am not finding an excuse for myself for my hot fiery temper of mine, but was happy to know the reason behind the fire starter! I wish I could quickly go back to my happy-go-lucky self living the rest of my life filled with happiness. 2008/11/7 你真的爱他们吗？Do you really love them? 教育之吻The Educational Kiss 2008/9/26 画皮Painted Skin 看完了电影画皮让我联想到周迅那个角色 她在画皮里是个妖精勾引有妇之夫的妖精 我问我的室友她办公室里的妖精多不多呢 她说若说多也不算多但是要说少也不算少 我说周迅在画皮里的表现还缺乏那点点骚 所以没办法把王生给勾引到没当上王夫人 她说周迅把角色演绎得很不错唯一缺狐骚 我笑说在真实生活里的狐狸各色各款都有 有时真的搞不懂某些具备了什么资格当妖 室友她笑说男人只要把灯关上了黑漆墨黑 妖精是否长得像画皮里的周迅都无所谓了 自问自答说各花入各眼人各有志各有标准 室友站在女人的立场说了她对男人的看法 她说只要稍微会动的妖精男人都会被迷倒 我呢站在男人的立场说说我对女人的看法 女人若不稍微放电男人他也不会强人所难 I have a funny conversation with my house-mate after watching the movie. ZhouXun acted as the temptress (Fox Demon) in the movie, seducing married man. So I asked my house-mate if her office has a lot of Fox Demon, she claims that there are a handful. I thought ZhouXun did not portrays the character well, lack of that essence of a temptress, that is why she did not managed to seduce the man and becomes his woman. However my house-mate think otherwise, she was happy with ZhouXun's performance, but she can add a little more juice to the character. I jokingly said that there are temptress in all size and shapes in real life. Sometimes I could not figure out myself, what some man see in his temptress. My house-mate said that when the lights are out, one does not bothers if his temptress look like ZhouXun's character in Painted Skin or not anymore. Of course I have an answer for myself, there is always a variety size and shapes catered for each an individual's likes and dislikes. My house-mate think that ALL man will be attracted to anything that moves, that is her speaking from a woman's point of view. From my point of view, I would say that most man would not even test water if the woman send him the right signal, it always takes two to clap. |
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